Everytime I die
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Tuesday, January 6, 2009
2008 survery stolen and ripped from none other than Ms mac
1) Was 2008 a good year for you? I would say over all it was amazing...met the love of my life. Switched jobs and now I dont mind going in, got a once in a lifetime job opp. which is still being worked out...moved out. The good out weights the bad Im gonna say
2) What was your favorite moment of the year? When all the murder chargers were dropped and the jury FIANLLY saw it my way.. ;)
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? Fighting with friends I guess
4) Where were you when 2008 began? UGh WORKING at the horrible old job of mine
5) Who were you with? My partners Sam at the time and who ever else was on gold shift for the time being
6) Where will you be when 2008 ends? I was working at none other than FPFD....was an intresting night
7) Who will you be with when 2008 ends? I was working with miguelito
8) What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? um...grew up ALOT
9) Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I did keep it! And I haven't made one for this year..suggestions?
10) Did anyone close to you give birth? No...thank you planned parenthood!
11) Did anyone close to you die? Some kids from high school that I hadn't talked to since
12) Did you travel outside of the US in 2008? sadly no
13) How many different states did you travel to in 2008? I dont believe I left the chi
14) What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? A bigger dick..um more self confidence I suppose
15) What date(s) from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 27 Stanley died...
16) What was your biggest achievement of the year? Serisouly..I would have to say weight loss
17) What was your biggest failure? Going back to school...ugh should have seen that one comming!
18) Did you suffer any illness or injury? Shoulder tendonitis
19) What was the best thing you bought? LEATHER COUCH black...OR nice flat screen HD tv
20) Whose behavior merited celebration? Everyones!
21) Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? A friends...but it all worked out ok I suppose
22) Where did most of your money go? School loan..all paid off, rent, dates
23) What did you get really, really, really excited about? Seeing this persons face in the morning...gotta love bedroom eyes
24) What song will always remind you of 2008? Wow I have no clue
25) Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder up until i took sometime off non stop working...now way happier
ii. thinner or fatter? 50 pounds thinner baby!
iii. richer or poorer? poorer only because I was living at home rent free now Im out on my own
26) What do you wish you'd done more of? Spend more time with loved ones
27) What do you wish you'd done less of? Being crabby
28) How will you be spending Christmas? I spent it working on good old berwyn 905 and we were busy as fuck
29) Did you fall in love in 2008? yes yes yes
30) If yes, with who? Im sure you all know who!
31) If yes, do they know? YES
32) Are you still in love with them? madly
33) You regret it? NO!
34) Did you breakup with anyone in 2008? No ma'am
35) How many one-night stands? i pled the 5th
36) How many people did you sleep with in 2008? see above
37) Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I dont "hate anyone"
38) Did you make any new friends in 2008? I made a whole new second family when I switched fire departments
39) Who are your favorite new friends? Oh man cant pick!
40) What was your favorite month of 2008? ALL OF SUMMER...God that was fun!
41) Did you miss anybody in the past year? Yea but people come and go for a reason
42) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Ashamed of....not nessicarily..or however u spell it
43) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2008? Nothing sticks out in my mind...but I know I was lied to
44) Did you treat somebody badly in 2008? Sure Im a regular jackass
45) Did somebody treat you badly in 2008? Patients but thats nothing new
46) What was your proudest moment of 2008? Becoming COMPLETELY independant
47) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2008? Oh God...any night I went OUT drinking
48) What was your greatest musical discovery? PANDORA! I love this site
,
49) What did you want and get? my own place
50) What did you want and not get? new car
51) What was your favorite new film of this year? Any B rated horror movie
52) What was your favorite TV program? HBOs true blood...hooked me like no other
53) What was your favorite record from 2008? Cant decide
54) How many concerts did you see in 2008? I think I only made it up to milwaukees warpped tour
55) Did you have a favorite concert in 2008? see above
56) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2008? Yes..but slowed down compared to what I used to drink
57) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2008? NONE..besides alcohol
58) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 22..got a hotel room in the loop and went out and got FUCKING wasted and hit by a car! WTF
59) What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Perhaps choosing a different appartment...I mean Im happy here but Id like something bigger for hte amount I pay
60) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Sane as always..skater shoes and t...ripped jeans.
61) What kept you sane? Reasonable friends....I'll agree with this answer oh and alcohol
62) Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? uh none
63) How much money did you spend in 2008? upwards of 15000 for reals
64) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: Live each day as your last...cliche I know but its so true
65) What are your plans for 2009? Move in with a certian someone work only one job full time
66) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"just live your life " ha whatevers!
Current mood:  bouncy Current music: whatever pandora is playing (spank me)
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Its that time again...Melissa and Mine..our 22ed birthday party. This year we are doing it at crobar friday sep. 5th at 10pm. Free cover and you don't have to wait inline if you mention mine or melissas first and last name. We have a private table on the stage and bottle service. Anyone who reads this is invited. Hit me up for more details.
(spank me)
Monday, September 1, 2008
So I signed me lease today...didn't really realize how much shit is going to change but..Im sure its all for the best. Im over in lakeview at broadway and briar. Come visit me.
Current mood:  content (5 spanks | spank me)
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Apartment hunting in Chicago sucks balls...period.
Current mood:  annoyed (spank me)
Friday, July 11, 2008
So apparently I still have an LJ account. Haven't posted in on here in a hot minute or so. Hope everyone missed me.
Current mood:  accomplished Current music: Sweet Devotion- The Panic Division (spank me)
Thursday, September 27, 2007
So today Stanley Cloud passed on. It wasent unexpected but at the same time it sucks none the less. Im glad over these past two years I became really close with my grandpa and so did a couple of my friends.
My sister called me at 1230 this afternoon and told me wake up and get ready fast cus she was on her way home to pick me and take me over to hospice. The nurse called and said he would probably be dead with in the hour.
The drive which is only 2 miles from my house felt like it took a year. Shortly after my dad uncle and aunt showed up. We all sat around with him even though he really wasent there. But it seemed like he kept hanging on, so around 330 my dad and I left to get food while my aunt and uncle stayed. About an hour later he died.
Im glad that I spent as much time with him as I did, these past two years were filled with tons of laughs and free breakfests (thanks stanley). Im glad I got to say goodbye and so did my friends. Still seems unreal you know? whatever im just rambling now...You will be missed greatly stanley
Current mood:  sad Current music: public enemy (spank me)
Friday, February 16, 2007
Have you ever felt a million and one emotions, running and pulsating through you veins? Like I though being a paramedic I would see the worst of human life. No thats only one side of it. People shooting and stabbing the fuck out of each other is nothing. The ones who can hurt you the most are the ones closest to you. They have the potential to hurt you the most. And then and ONLY then will you realzied how disgusting humans actually are. If they can get ahead by stabbing some one in the back they for sure will. I realize I am all alone on this journey called life,but I thought for sure there was at least a couple of people I could count on no MATTER WHAT. WOW was i wrong!@
(1 spank | spank me)
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
11:13PM
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your journal with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
SO these were the questions I was asked after I replied, I will answer them 100 percent honestly. And if i didnt would you know?
1) Now that your pants are off, look down. What's there? shamrock boxers, my legs are hairy, my star tattoo and my sock, ankle socks specifficaly *spelling?*
2) When was the last time you were SERIOUSLY in love? Who was it? And was your heart broken? SERIOUSLY in love hmm....i was like 17 when we met, there initals are M.B., and yes my heart was broken. But hey time heals all wounds, Im ok now and I believe you can learn something from every situation. Have there been times since then ive thought I was in love? Of course but It was only lust ;)
3) What do you think of G.W. Bush? And can you honestly say that you could have done a better job? Well personally I feel talking politics is all fun and games. That aside i can say I DIDNT watch the state of the union tonight. All in all I believe with 100% certainty I could have done a better job, but thats my humble opnion.
4) You probably know yourself pretty well. What is the one worst situation you wouldn't want a new-ish friend or love interest to see you in? Why? Well at least Id want to have known them for a bit, but when I got out to parties and get smashed. Im just so obnoiouxs and out of control, If I barely knew them I think it would be a huge turn off.
5)Do you feel like you belong in the life you are living? Honestly Yes I do, How many 20 year olds can say they already have there career. Let alone I started doing it at 19, I graduated college with high honors. THis from a kid who dropped out of high school. I enjoy what i do for aliving and everyonce in a great while its nice to know i made a diffrence or even saved some ones life. And the occasional thank you goes along way. My friends are amazing we have some of the best times together, we've been through thick N thin and come out stronger in the end. I truely believe a couple of them are life long friends. oh and to top if off i only work 8 days a month CAN U FUCKING BEAT THAT!?!?!
Current mood:  sleepy Current music: the devil wears prada (1 spank | spank me)
Friday, November 3, 2006
**Dedicated to Paramedics, Fire and Police Officers and their Dispatchers:**
I wish you could comprehend a wife's horror at 6 in the morning as I Check her husband of 40 years for a pulse and find none. I start CPR anyway, hoping to bring him back, knowing intuitively it is too late. But wanting his wife and family to know everything possible was done to try and save his life.
I wish you knew the unique smell of burning insulation, the taste of soot-filled mucus, the feeling of intense heat through your turnout gear, the sound of flames crackling, the eeriness of being able to see absolutely nothing in dense smoke-sensations that I've become too familiar with.
I wish you could read my mind as I respond to a call, Is this a false alarm or a working fire? How is the building constructed? What Hazards await me? Is anyone trapped?" Or to call and ask what is wrong with the patient? Is it minor or life threatening? Is the caller really in distress or is he waiting for us with a 2x4 or a gun?
I wish you could be in the emergency room, as a doctor pronounces dead, the beautiful five-year old girl that I have been trying to save during the past 25 minutes, knowing she will never go on her first date or say the words, "I love you Mommy", ever again.
I wish you could know the frustration I feel in the cab of the ambulance or engine or cruiser, the driver with his foot pressing down hard on the pedal, my arm tugging again and again at the air horn chain, as you fail to yield the right-of-way at an intersection or in traffic. When you need us however, your first comment upon our arrival will be, "It took you forever to get here!"
I wish you could know my thoughts as I help extricate a girl of teenage years from the remains of her automobile. What if this was my daughter, sister, my girlfriend or a friend? What were her parent's reaction going to be when they opened the door to find a police officer with hat in hand?
I wish you could know how it feels to walk in the back door and greet my parents and family, not having the heart to tell them that I nearly did not come back from the last call.
I wish you could know how it feels dispatching officers, firefighters and Paramedics out and when we call for them and our heart drops because no one answers back or to here a bone chilling 911 call of a child or wife needing assistance.
I wish you could feel the hurt as people verbally and sometimes physically abuse us or belittle what I do, or as they express their attitudes of "It will never happen to me". I wish you could realize the physical, emotional and mental drain of missed meals, lost sleep and forgone social activities, in addition to all the tragedy my eyes have seen.
I wish you could know the brotherhood and self-satisfaction of helping save a life or preserving someone's property, or being able to be there in time of crisis, or creating order from total chaos.
I wish you could understand what it feels like to have a little boy tugging at your arm and asking, "Is my Mommy okay?"! , not even being able to look in his eyes without tears from your own and not knowing what to say. Or to have to hold back a long time friend who watches his buddy having CPR done on him as they take him away in the Medic Unit. You know all along he did not have his seat belt on. A sensation that I have become too familiar with.
Unless you have lived with this kind of life, you will never truly understand or appreciate who I am, we are, or what our job really means to us...I wish you could though.
Current mood:  indescribable (spank me)
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
So first off let me start by saying Im not expecting anyone to read this, its more for me to vent.
Well work has been quite a trip so far, Im gaining tons of experiance and work with a bunch of cool guys and yes even some foxy LADIES ;).
Life is great yet horrible at the same time.
The worst part is Honestly I have no friends anymore. FOR SERIOUS. Like the group I used to pal around with is hardcore into some heavy drugs and has been for awhile now. I used to be able to deal with it but lately not so much. And they pretty much told me they rather do drugs than be my friend. Which makes me ask, Were we even friends from the start? I mean when you were in the hospital who stayed all night with your mom there, then came back and stayed the whole day and drove you home when you were released? Who stood by your side when no one else did? Whatever.
I mean people i work with invite me out all the time but I cant go to bars yet, and Im really not going to drive an hour+ just to hang out sorry. Theres only little kids in my neighboor hood, and Im out of college so there goes the whole "meeting new people thing" Its like the only person i hang out with is anna. But she has her own life and we dont even get to hang out that much.
So Im trying to get involved in alot diffrent things. Like Im volunteering as a paramedic at willow creek, but again everyone i work with has at least 10 years on me. I signed up to do big brothers big sisters but would i really meet people through there. Im not shy by anymeans I just dont know where to go meet people. People i meet/run into at parties are all the same. Meaning almost all of them I meet are hardcore into coke. Which brings up another point. When did coke get so fucking popular. I mean its easier to get coke now that it is pot. Dont get me wrong I went through my little druggie phase but that was years ago. I've grown up since and have a job where drugs can not have a part in my life. OI VEY
Sorry for this long rant i just needed to get that all out.
Current mood:  blah Current music: across five aprils (2 spanks | spank me)
Sunday, August 20, 2006
So uh I have to shave my goatee for my new job...not sure if I'm digging the new look. So please be nice to me next time you see me *puppy dog face*
(spank me)
Thursday, August 17, 2006
So I havent updated in AWHILE oh well deal with it...
So new things happening in my life Ive discovered who my REAL friends are after going through so much stuff lately but I wont get into it now cus Im done with all that
I graduated June 30 and got my state test results back So I am offically now a PARAMEDIC.
I volunteered to work as a medic up at camp paradise in michigan. It was only 45 minutes away from canada. It was such a trip, it was a christian camop run through will creek church. Not only that but they didnt have running water or electricity. But Im not gonna lie i brought brittany with me and we had such a great time. The drive up there was amazing even though it took 8+ hours cus of traffic. I was actually impressed with the amout of equipment they had at the "mayo clinic" up there. THat was the cabin i stayed in all by myself. Nothing to major happend while i was up there, allergic reactions and bee stings. IT was father son week and kiddies were 7-9 so there was alot of scrapes and stuff. I even got a standing ovation the last night at dinner. It was such a blast i told them id do it again next year.
So monday i got this voicemail from this company that liked my resume and wanted an interview. So that was yesturday and they pretty much told me i had the job before the interview even started. So Im the newest tinley park/ crestwood paramedic. Its kinda of comute but it'll get me so experiance before i cross into fire fighting so suck on that oh and the pay aint half bad either for only being 20. I have my driving course tuesday there and my system entry test is on monday at ingelles er however you spell it.
Im sure theres lots more of stuff but most people who read this i know in "real life" so they know alot about it.
Later
Current mood:  crazy Current music: Bullet for my valentine (1 spank | spank me)
Saturday, January 28, 2006
So i thought id bore u all with a fablous survey!
1. What color is most reflective of you?
black like my soul haha wtf
2. How did you get the idea for your profile name?
its my last name nukka!
3. What time were you born?
i have no idea really
3. What song are you playing now, or wish you were playing?
From autumn to ashes- short stories
4. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?
haha ur kidding right?
5. What color underwear are you wearing?
O to the range
6. Do you want a baby?
another? ;)
7. What did you do this morning?
uh well i was out till 5 am then i slept till 2 so uh there really was no "morning"
8. What does your mom do for a living?
accountant
9. Where do you work at?
nay, intership starts very soon though
10. What are the last 2 digits of your phone number?
50
11. What was the last concert you attended?
WRARPED TOUR!
12. Who was with you?
the slaughter housers!
13. What was the last movie you watched?
house of wax
14. Who do you dislike at the moment?
no one really
15. What food do you crave right now?
mac & cheese
16. Did you dream last night?
indeed i did
17. What was the last TV show you watched?
ok dont laugh but *blushes* roseanne
18. What is your favorite piece of jewelry?
my titty rings
19. What is to the left of you?
dinning room table
20. What was the last thing you ate?i munched on some M&ms while on the phone
21. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex?
trishaanna saurous combine the 2
22. Write a song lyric that's in your head.
*draws a blank*
23. Who last IMd you?
scotty
24. Are you on any meds?
i take vitamins daily! Im a big boy!
25. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
all over the fucking place
26. What shirt are you wearing?
DC shoes
27. What is your favorite frozen treat?
spongebob squarepants ICE cream!
28. How many tattoos/piercings do you have?
3 tattoos, 5 piercings
20. What's your favorite store?
uh zoomies, pac sun, k5 boardshop
30. Are you thirsty right now?
i got my big ole glass-0-water next to me
31. Can you imagine yourself ever getting married?
fuck yea, and having millions of babies and moving to the country!
32. Who's someone you haven't seen in a while and miss?
michelley from WW throw it up!
33. What did you do last night?
went to a couple of parties, drank a shit load, drove my friends back to the city
34. Do you care what people think about you?
In EMS fuck yea i feel like i constantly have to prove myself cus most guys at the fire house are older and im only 19, so i care if they think im doing a good job or not
35. Have you ever done something to instigate trouble?
what did u say MOTHERFUCKER *shoves*
36. What is one thing you wish you were better at?
remembering when im supposed to be some where
37. Do you like the person who posted this last?
Mr ant is a funny ass kid,
38. What is across the room from you?
the kitchen...so hungee!
Current mood: cheerful Current music: HIM - rebel yell (1 spank | spank me)
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
BLARGH i only have 8 minutes to do this. Stupid library. Anywho so i made it to arizona alright. Theres really not much to do out here other than watch movies and swim. I joined the gym for the week and uh Im hoping to find some people my age to hang out with. Scottsdales kinda boring. All the bars close at 1, dude how gay is that? So the flight out here was intresting. I had to leave for ohare at 520 am saturday, guess when i stopped drinking? Thats right 515 am. Shit flying drunk is not so cool. Luckily i passed out right away.
So im off school till febuary sometime when i go back i get my ride assignment and start my internship so hopefully that'll be cool.
Any who i gotta run the comptuers gonna kick me off soon.
Current music: Some old librarian talking (1 spank | spank me)
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Ok so I probably should have posted this earlier but whatever go suck a dick. So those of you who personally know me, know that my mom is like super cool to my friends....i think she even loves some of you more than me. But regardless she wants everyone to know that thanksgiving dinner at my house is an open invitation. So anyone who knows me regardless of how well u are all invited to my house for thanksgiving.
Dude some people better fucking show up my moms going like balls to the wall this year. I told her she should just have some more babies but whatever. So If u wanna come chill wiht mi familia on T day just hit up the cell Two one seven - seven one five zero
Current mood: busy Current music: lunachicks- pretty ugly (spank me)
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
NO! its snowing out...horray?
Im so glad I have no clinicals till the 30th. These past 3 weeks at the hospital were pretty crazy so its nice to have a wee little break. Just been catching up on some laundry and hanging out with people at night.
So since its snowing you know what the means.. SNOWBOARDING...since we can no longer skate out side. Who wants to go boarding with me.? Anna im lookin ur way.
Grilled cheese and tomato soup sound super good..
Current mood:  cold Current music: HIM razorblade kiss (1 spank | spank me)
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
So uh THis is the best story ever....
zekissingbandit: i made a u turn in ur driveway today
Fata Morganais: oh ok
Fata Morganais: i wasnet home
zekissingbandit: i know
Fata Morganais: ur pretty awsome
zekissingbandit: i try
Fata Morganais: cus only awesome people woudl drive out of their way to make a U turn in my drive way...you knwo considering my house it on the way to uh NO WHERE
today DER DER DER goes to nikki dillion :)!
(4 spanks | spank me)
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Fata Morganais: wanna hear something totally hilarious?
EuroTrash1960s: yes
EuroTrash1960s: i do
Fata Morganais: ok so like were all sitting around having a nice family dinner and im like HEY MOM CHECK THIS OUT *farts really loud*
Fata Morganais: and i totally SHIT in my pants
Fata Morganais: i fucking sharted
EuroTrash1960s: ....
EuroTrash1960s: what?
EuroTrash1960s: omg don't even tell me that
EuroTrash1960s: lol
Fata Morganais: no seriously that happend
Fata Morganais: u can ask my mom next time ur over
Fata Morganais: i was like OMG BRB and i ran to the bathroom
EuroTrash1960s: hahahahaha
So yea that pretty much sums up my sunday. Im only posting this cus i know my friends who probably already know are gonna read this.
(1 spank | spank me)
Monday, November 7, 2005
So i like this survey but im not gay so im not going to post it on myspace bullentins like every other fuck tard
These are supposedly 27 questions that no one would ever think to ask. Answer them, then REPOST the bulletin:
1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at? see if i got any nasty acne over night ;)
2. How much cash do you have on you? my wallet is Currently MIA
3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST": big tits
4. Favorite planet? captin planet
5. Who's the 4th person on your missed call list? sven
6. What's your main ring tone on your phone? "do u think ur better off alone" haha i like it cus im like Hmm should i answer LAUGH BITCHES
7. What shirt are you wearing? check this out a 5 buck polo with long sleeves from walmart i rule
8. Do you "label" yourself? i want one of those dymo lable electric things the show commercials for with the bean stalk??
9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing? vizzity vans
10. Bright or Dark Room? dark like my soul Oh man im so goth4 LIFE *slits writs*
11. What do you think of the person who posted this before you? uh ambeers ok i mean we went to HS together so uh *Shrugs*
12. When did you last drink alcohol? saturday and i passed out woke up ate a cheesy gordita crunch and then went back to sleep
13. What were you doing at midnight last night? studying
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say? "make me cum till im numb! Pussy stay tighter and wetter than all yalls!.... SWEAR ON MY LIFE TRISHA SENT ME THAT
15. Do you click on "Pop-Ups" or Banners? I must confess i liekt o play those like SHOOT THE spit ball at the teacher ones :(
16. What's a saying that you say a lot? i tend to add izzty to random words CUS THATS HOW US GHETTO FOLK ROLL
17. Who told you they loved you last? anna banananananana
18. Last furry thing you touched? lets not go there
19. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? i dont do pictures
20. How Many Times Have You Done It In The Past Three Days? like 2 times a day. thats right i brush 2X's a day...i fear G I N G E R V I T I S
21. Favorite age you have been so far? 18 i went pretty balls to the wall
22. Your worst enemy? time
23. What's your current desktop picture? some shit that came with the computer
24. What was the last thing you said to someone? I swear officer i thought she was 18
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or change a regret what would it be? i dont regret anything ive done...honestly....so A MILLION BUCKAROOS
26. Do you love/like someone? my heavens no
27. Have you done anything illegal? lets see 1, 2 skip a few 99, 100
(spank me)
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